An Intimate Marriage is a relationship defined by learning and growth, which in turn leads to a deeper connection and exquisite intimacy. Within such a relationship, couples experience evolving passion and gratifying connection–passion and connection that can be activated by conflict as well as pleasure.
Yes, conflict can contribute to passion and strengthen your intimacy!
Ironically enough, even though conflict definitely can cause disconnection, once you learn how to express yourselves well during disagreements, it can be used to bring you closer together. That happens when you are vulnerable with one another, sharing honestly and respectfully in the heat of the moment. It can bring you closer together because it allows you to know one another better and more deeply, with your challenges and insecurities no longer hidden.
The way to use conflict to create more connection is to fully embrace whatever is revealed throughout the conflict. Sometimes it takes a person feeling out of control in a disagreement to express something very important that has been too confronting to say in a regular conversation. Sometimes it takes a conflict for someone to share how hurt they feel. Embracing whatever is revealed provides a chance to open your heart and accept your own and your partner’s vulnerability which will then pave the way for new flavors of intimacy in your relationship. This means that from conflict, you can access sensuality and lusciousness you may have never thought possible.
Can each moment of the day be infused with lusciousness and sensuality? You may be lucky enough to have a phase like that every now and then, but it’s not really an attainable goal in the midst of the busyness of life. Evenso, when you do experience moments of sensuality with your partner, especially during unexpected times, savor it because that is when really beautiful things occur.
Some of my favorite moments are when my husband walks by me while I’m cooking and he gently brushes the back of my neck. It’s his way of saying, “I see you, I love you.”
I used to smile and stay focused on the cooking but I’ve learned to savour it, to take a breath and really enjoy the way it feels.
That kind of moment reflects that we have an Intimate Marriage. It’s a moment which passes pretty quickly but it occurs within the context of a whole relationship. For us that includes erotic connection, affection, mutual respect and knowing that while we don’t know what the future holds, we are willing to lean in and discover it together.
Ultimately, an “Intimate Marriage” is the term that I use to describe a really solid and dynamic connection.
An Intimate Marriage consists of stability and familiarity, as well as playfulness, and spontaneity.
It may seem overwhelming and out of reach to create such a relationship but it doesn’t need to be. An Intimate Marriage is built day-by-day in moments of vulnerability, in the courage required to open your heart and listen generously, even in times of conflict. Unexpected discoveries of emotional intimacy, sensual sensations,and just plain knowing one another more deeply, naturally results in more intimacy and presence, and feeling more in love.
In the meantime, if you want to know more about intimacy and passion in your relationship, read my book Uncompromising Intimacy.