Next Monday is my husband and my 24th anniversary. It has us sparkly, extra flirtatious, and also opening to whatever is next in our ever evolving relationship.
In honor of our upcoming anniversary, I actually want to tell you about another couple, because they are the only other couple I know who were as explicit as we were in deciding the basis of their relationship prior to getting married.
When Rodd and I got together, we were very clear that the most important thing for each of us, in our relationship, is personal growth. All of our moment to moment choices, and our big decisions, are based in wanting to support one another’s and our own growth. Of course, other things influence us and we have needed to revisit some things along the way.
But overall, this has been the guiding light and the rock solid foundation that solidifies our bond.
Recently, I had the pleasant surprise of speaking with a woman who did something similar. She and her husband of 8 years consciously articulated the foundation of their relationship before they were married.
Their vision and commitment includes a few things.
One of them is that they both are creative and expressive in ways which nourish their souls. She is a playwright and published author. He journals and sometimes makes collages from his writing.
A few years into their marriage, she was working for a hedge fund in New York City. It was a very good job. She liked the people, and gained a lot of skills. She was well compensated and her boss was grooming her for a promotion.
A few weeks before the promotion was to be given, this woman’s husband said he had something really important to tell her. He felt concerned.
As the promotion decision approached, she was working longer hours and more consumed by her career aspirations. He hadn’t seen her write in 6 months.
She looked up, kind of surprised by what he was saying. Simultaneously she knew it was true.
Her husband said living this way went against the foundation of their marriage.
If she wanted to focus on a career in finance, at least how she was doing it, it meant that she was turning away from her writing and creative expression. This had consequences for her.
It also had consequences for him, and for their relationship.
He noticed their interactions were more serious and she was more stressed than she had been.
If she wanted to revise the agreements they had made before their wedding, he was open to it. But he certainly wasn’t going to stand by while this happened without saying anything.
I LOVE this story. Because having a clear foundation for your relationship is essential.
It functions like a North Star, inspiring you no matter the terrain you are in at any given moment.
When this woman heard what he said, she lit up. She was ecstatic, and grateful he was taking such a stand for her, and for them.
Soon after, she quite the hedge fund job, got another job to pay the bills, and started working on her play… with gusto.
That play was performed last month and it was fantastic.
More importantly, to me, their relationship is on fire—full of passion, and deep soulful connection. You can feel it when you are around them, not quite sure what it is but knowing it is wonderful.
Well, what’s wonderful is the clarity of vision they share. And it will serve them forever.
Does this pique your interest? Consider checking out my free guidelines for creating your Vision for Conscious Partnership here.
You can create your Vision for Conscious Partnership when you first get together, and you can do this after 30 years of marriage… it’s a living document and it’s always worthwhile to re-evaluate and upgrade as needed.
Do you want some support in making this happen? I would love to guide you in successfully creating a vision which both of you are excited by, comment below or email me and let’s discuss it!
With pleasure and purpose,