This week is my 24th wedding anniversary, and the most astonishing thing about that is how much has changed.
First of all, there are all the people who were at our wedding who are no longer alive–both of my parents, grandparents, other relatives, a dear friend. So when I think of our wedding they come to mind and I am so very grateful they were alive to celebrate with us then.
And the next thing that comes to mind is how much happier and more in love we are now than we are then.
We were as in love as we could be. Neither of us had any doubt about whether the other one was our person.
But we also had so much doubt about our ability to create a future with one another that we could love. That would bring us fulfillment and companionship and adventure. We didn’t know anyone who had achieved it and that’s why we didn’t dare assume we would.
However, what we did know, was that our marriage would require intentionality, consistent care, and a willingness to grow as each of us and our lives evolved.
There was a time when everything looked good. Our family was well attended to, our careers where strong, and life seemed good.
Except that we lacked passion. We lacked toe-curling ecstasy and moments of deep, blissful, simple intimacy. We both knew we were not fully expressed with one another, and after years of assuming we would eventually get there, each of us wondered if that was an illusion.
I remember the conversation when we dared to say to one another, “I love you, and I love our life together, and I have always assumed it would become more passionate. But this many years in…it seems illogical to keep assuming that.“
Having the courage to share this kind of truth was very confronting, awkward, scary.
Having done so, paved the way to prioritize it and evolve.
We began by buying a book and reading it together, doing each exercise at the end of each chapter. From there we understood our next steps and participated in personal growth workshops, did trainings, and worked with a coach. Really, the rest is history because our relationship now is infused with passion, authenticity, honesty, and hope….so much hope!
Reading that book was the turning point for us. It is precisely what has led us to now be more in love and nourished than we were 24 years ago. It is also one of the main inspirations for my book, “Uncompromising Intimacy”.
I wrote it for you. I wrote it to give you the blueprint for a rich, dynamic, passionate, intimate relationship. I combined stories of couples I have coached, my own story, research, and honest sharing from the front lines where fantastic relationships are created. It’s written like a love letter to you–easy to read and with lots of practical actionable tips and tools.
Dr Kseniya Gershberg, a chiropractor and doula for moms and babies, bought a copy last week. She told me she had lots of books to read and it would probably take weeks or months before she got to mine. However, the very next day she posted this on Instagram and Facebook:
“I met Dr. Alexandra Stockwell and was so excited to grab her book. If you know me pretty well, you know that I love books but with two littles I only get to read a chapter of each new book on my nightstand if I’m lucky. I could NOT stop reading this book. It is filled with guidance and pearls of wisdom for relationships. She shares the secrets on how to create the passion and keep the communication open between partners. She teaches you how to nourish your relationship with your partner even in the hardest moments. After each chapter, she keeps you involved and asks you questions to think about. This is a MUST read for all moms in whatever phase of motherhood you are in!”
If you want clear instructions on “how to nourish your relationship with your partner even in the hardest moments”, read “Uncompromising Intimacy“.
I dream of a world where every couple can feel more in love with each passing year and celebrate their 24th anniversary with more joy and more gusto than they shared on their wedding day. (Definitely a smaller affair…I am talking about the feelings underneath.)
Do you have that kind of relationship? Do you want that kind of relationship? If so, comment below or email me and let’s talk.
With pleasure and purpose,