One of my recent clients is a remarkable woman, whom I’ll refer to as Genevieve. Having grown up in an abusive family, Genevieve left home to go straight into a 29-year marriage. Following her divorce, she started a new relationship that was serious right away. That ended recently, and for the first time in her 56 years, Genevieve found herself completely alone. She comes home to an empty house. She wakes up and hears nothing but the sounds she herself is making. The only stuff she sees belongs to her. Adjusting to this new situation has been immensely challenging for her, as it was her first time being truly on her own, without her family and without a partner.
Genevieve found herself consumed by thoughts about what her ex was doing (without her). She started indulging in ice cream more frequently and was messaging her friends and family earlier than before and later into the night than usual too. She even contemplated getting back together with her ex despite their issues, because she was afraid of being alone. However, after a few coaching sessions together, her outlook changed dramatically. She began to love herself and her own company as she radiated confidence and positivity. Here’s how she made that change…
She began to transform her thoughts and feelings, by doing the following:
Creating Mood Specific Playlists
Creating a Joyful Menu: Reconnect with the activities that give you pleasure
Let your “inner child” and “future self” guide you
Make a list of Solo Adventures
The change in this woman is incredible. She went from feeling scared and lonely to joyful, vibrant, open to what life brings. The fundamental shift is a direct result of finding herself to be good company.
I usually write about ways to deepen the connection between you and your partner so that your relationship is more nourishing, juicy, soulful and sexy. I emphasize what’s possible in intimate relationships, however, the wisdom in Genevieve’s journey applies where you are single or partnerned!
Genevieve's story is a great example of how difficult it can be to adjust to being alone, especially after spending years in relationships. However, with the right mindset and tools, it's possible to transform your relationship with yourself and find comfort and inspiration in solitude.
All of the strategies I’ve described will help you cultivate a positive relationship with yourself and feel comfortable in your own company, no matter the context of your life. And when you’re comfortable being alone, you will show up more fully in your relationships with others. By taking care of yourself and filling your own cup, you’ll have more to bring to your marriage.
So, whether you’re single or in a relationship, be sure to prioritize your relationship with yourself. By finding joy and pleasure in your own company, your life will become more fulfilling and meaningful!