The Importance of Being Your Best Company: Alone Doesn’t Have to Be Lonely

In a world that values social connections and relationships, being single and on your own is sometimes seen as something negative. But the truth is, feeling you are in good company when you are with yourself is crucial for overall wellbeing and happiness. Being able to enjoy time on your own is essential for a life of excitement and joy, and shouldn’t just flood you with a sense of loneliness.

One of my recent clients is a remarkable woman, whom I’ll refer to as Genevieve. Having grown up in an abusive family, Genevieve left home to go straight into a 29-year marriage. Following her divorce, she started a new relationship that was serious right away. That ended recently, and for the first time in her 56 years, Genevieve found herself completely alone. She comes home to an empty house. She wakes up and hears nothing but the sounds she herself is making. The only stuff she sees belongs to her. Adjusting to this new situation has been immensely challenging for her, as it was her first time being truly on her own, without her family and without a partner.

Genevieve found herself consumed by thoughts about what her ex was doing (without her). She started indulging in ice cream more frequently and was messaging her friends and family earlier than before and later into the night than usual too. She even contemplated getting back together with her ex despite their issues, because she was afraid of being alone. However, after a few coaching sessions together, her outlook changed dramatically. She began to love herself and her own company as she radiated confidence and positivity. Here’s how she made that change…

She began to transform her thoughts and feelings, by doing the following:

Creating Mood Specific Playlists

She created five distinct playlists for various moods: one for feeling empowered, another for expressing anger, a third for processing sadness, a fourth for experiencing joy, and a final one for motivation to accomplish tasks.

Creating a Joyful Menu: Reconnect with the activities that give you pleasure

Feeling lonely, sad, and depressed can be overwhelming and drain your energy. But there are ways to reconnect with your joy and pleasure even in the midst of such emotions. One way is by creating a menu of activities that bring you joy and pleasure. Genevieve made a list of activities that she enjoyed, such as drawing, journaling, dancing, calling a friend, baking, and many others. Whenever she felt the need to connect with something positive, she would simply pick something from her menu and do it. This simple practice has helped her stay connected with herself and find moments of joy even in difficult times.

Let your “inner child” and “future self” guide you

Connecting with your future self is a powerful tool that can help a person navigate their life with more intention and clarity. By envisioning the person she wanted to become, Genevieve tapped into the wisdom and the guidance of her future self. By letting both her “inner child” and her “future self” guide her, she created a balanced and fulfilling life.

Make a list of Solo Adventures

I encouraged Genevieve to make a list of Saturday Solo Adventures, and she eagerly took up the challenge. Every Saturday, she chose something new to do, whether it was an activity she’d never tried before or something she’d never done alone. Since she began, she’s visited a spa, watched a movie at a theater, and enjoyed a cup of coffee solo. She has even more exciting plans on her horizon, including hiking, visiting museums, and traveling to Mexico on her own.

The change in this woman is incredible. She went from feeling scared and lonely to joyful, vibrant, open to what life brings. The fundamental shift is a direct result of finding herself to be good company.

I usually write about ways to deepen the connection between you and your partner so that your relationship is more nourishing, juicy, soulful and sexy. I emphasize what’s possible in intimate relationships, however, the wisdom in Genevieve’s journey applies where you are single or partnerned!

Genevieve's story is a great example of how difficult it can be to adjust to being alone, especially after spending years in relationships. However, with the right mindset and tools, it's possible to transform your relationship with yourself and find comfort and inspiration in solitude.

All of the strategies I’ve described will help you cultivate a positive relationship with yourself and feel comfortable in your own company, no matter the context of your life. And when you’re comfortable being alone, you will show up more fully in your relationships with others. By taking care of yourself and filling your own cup, you’ll have more to bring to your marriage.

 

So, whether you’re single or in a relationship, be sure to prioritize your relationship with yourself. By finding joy and pleasure in your own company, your life will become more fulfilling and meaningful!

 

Try it yourself! And if you’d like to learn more about having a growth oriented relationship read my book Uncompromising Intimacy and check out my coaching programs here

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About Dr. Alexandra

Alexandra Stockwell, MD, aka “The Intimacy Doctor,” is widely known for her ability to catalyze immediate and profound shifts in high achieving couples who want it all–genuine emotional connection, sensual passion, and erotic intimacy.

A physician coach and Intimate Marriage Expert, Alexandra is the best-selling author of “Uncompromising Intimacy,” host of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, as well as a wife of 28 years and a mother of 4. Couples who work with her discover the key to passion, fulfillment, intimacy, and success isn’t compromise–it’s being unwilling to compromise–because when both people feel free to be themselves, the relationship is juicy, erotically alive, and deeply nourishing.

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