• Alexandra Stockwell

Valentines Day Is a Set Up For Disappointment

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a time for romance, flowers and chocolates, and adoration. Special times. Hearts with red and pink galore…


Valentine’s Day is fairly neutral for many people. Maybe you go out for dinner with your sweetie, maybe you give one another a card or a gift. It’s pleasant and somewhat perfunctory.

For many more people, Valentine’s Day is a set-up for disappointment.

For single people, it’s a time for major FOMO (fear of missing out). It’s easy to think everyone coupled is feeling loved and having a delightful time. It can also be a time that feels like a stab in the heart, like the first Mother’s Day after your mother has died—it’s just a mess of inconsiderate, insensitive reminders of the sorrow you feel.

When it comes to couples, Valentine’s Day can be a mellow time when society encourages dating. It also can be a time when you allow yourself to feel disappointed that your partner isn’t speaking your love language, and hasn’t done the thing that would actually have you feel cherished.

On Valentine’s Day you give yourself permission to feel the inner hunger for something more.

For me personally, my best Valentine’s experiences were the cards my grandmother sent every year. I would receive them and feel so incredibly and deeply loved. I truly felt special.

I share all of this because Valentine’s Day can be dissatisfying.

And that’s okay.

If you’re feeling that way, consider reading this lovely article by Danielle Winston.

Or have a listen to this podcast where Amanda Walker of Feel Amazing Naked interviewed me about having more passion in your relationship.

I also encourage you to focus a whole lot less on what you do, what you give or receive on Valentine’s Day. Instead, focus on how you want to feel.

How do you want to feel? Once you are clear on that, then consider what it would take for you to feel that way.

What do you discover?

Press reply and let me know.

And, for the sake of transparency, I’ll tell you what I’ll be doing on Valentine’s Day. One of my sons has a chess tournament he’s really excited about. My other son has his first baseball practice for spring Little League. So my husband and I will be going in different directions, each taking one of our boys. As my husband said, “we will be doing what we believe in, and meeting back at home afterwards.” For this year, that feels just right… especially the “meeting back at home afterwards” part.

With pleasure and purpose,

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Copyright 2020 Alexandra Stockwell, MD