How do you talk about the hard stuff?

One of the big challenges in relationship is not having role models worth emulating.

If you want to be an Olympic gymnast, you have Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas (and many others) to inspire you. If you want to be an amazing entrepreneur you have Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos to inspire you. And so it goes in music, science, and yes, even politics, though not necessarily currently.

But when it comes to relationships, it’s really hard to find people who inspire and whose relationship you would want to recreate in your own life.

This really matters.

Because as humans we learn through imitation; the lack of role models makes it that much harder to create the relationship you really want.

This is what inspired me to create “Conscious Partnership: Connect, Ignite, Create”. In it I tell the stories of three amazing couples I have coached, sharing details about their relationship before working with me, what they did to shift it, and what their relationship is like now (all with their permission, of course).

Their stories provide Inspiration, Permission, and Hope.

In the Conscious Partnership Program, during the live calls, couples get to hear about one another’s journeys, and it is always amazing how relevant one couples’ challenges and triumphs are to others.

After years of coaching couples privately (which I still do), I was a little hesitant to offer a group program where couples enjoy interesting videos and exercises, and also participate in a Group Q and A Coaching call. I thought it might have people share less, but the opposite happens.

In the Conscious Partnership Program, couples are inspired hearing one another’s stories. They get perspective on their own story just from hearing what someone else is dealing with. The calls are the opposite of the “everything’s perfect”, curated sharing that is available on Facebook and other social media.

In hearing others, something synergistic happens! Invariably, when one person shares and receives coaching, everyone evolves.

I wonder if that’s how it was when we lived in much more connected neighborhoods, and small villages, coming together around common needs for survival and companionship.  The closest I have come to experiencing that was when I was 22, and worked in a hospital lab. All of my coworkers were women.

Every decade was represented, up to a woman in her 70s, and each of these women lived a life that aligned with some similar and some different values. I doubt we would have chosen to all hang out on a regular basis—in fact I am certain of it. Yet, being together 8 hours a day in the closeness of a microbiology lab, we did a lot more than work together.

In that lab, I listened as one woman spoke about how she felt when her young daughter discovered her husband’s stash of Playboy magazines. (This was before the internet and internet porn.). She had been able to look the other way, and feel that it was “no big deal” for herself, but when her daughter brought them to her with questions, she realized it hadn’t felt as straightforward as she had wanted to believe.

Another woman, herself in an arranged marriage, talked through the realities of a daughter who shared with her that she was planning to lose her virginity to her high school sweetheart. That woman was all courage as she wrestled exquisitely with her childhood culture blending with her daughter’s reality. She strove to deal with the tension in herself, while still giving her daughter some standards that made sense.

In that lab, one of my coworkers was very overweight—a wonderful woman wanting to be healthy and feel attractive. But every time she lost more than 50 pounds her husband passive aggressively undermined her. If she became too confident and too attractive, it would completely distort the couple’s power dynamic–one which he thoroughly enjoyed.

I listened, with gratitude for the authenticity of these shares. And in the decades since, as I married, raised children, and faced other situations I first learned from them, their heartfelt yearnings have come to mind…they are fuel for my own deliberations and decision-making.

In the Conscious Partnership Program Q and A Coaching calls, this quality of sharing is the norm. People share things rarely spoken to others. And, in the process, magic happens…man and woman soften.

They become Soulful, Proactive, and Inspired–completely in awe of what is possible in their own and others’ relationships.

  1. Where do you get inspiration for your relationship?

  2. Do you have people in your life whose relationship you admire?

  3. Would you like to join the Conscious Partnership Program and join our riveting, helpful conversations?

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