How do you replenish yourself?

I was recently coaching a couple, and we were talking about feeling depleted and worn out by life and intimate relating.

I told them it is so important to identify what replenishes you, and to make sure to spend time doing whatever that is. It’s essential to consider the difference between activities which are distracting, versus those which are replenishing.

If you are having a tough time in your relationship and you distract yourself for a little while, when you return to your partner everything will be just as you left it.

But if you do something which replenishes you, you will return to your partner with more energy, patience, curiosity, and an expanded bandwidth for whatever arises.

This is true during tough times in relationships.

It is also true during life in general.

This is one of the main purposes of vacations. However, for parents taking a family vacation, very often we come home feeling like we need a vacation from our vacation, before getting back into the routine of things!

This week I am going with two of my children to a family science camp. We will be in northern California in a redwood forest near Mendocino. We will have no electricity and no wifi. We will be staying in cabins with battery-operated lanterns, hearing the sounds of wildlife in the night.

During the day we will be with other families, learning from naturalists about the land, what grows there, the creatures that live there, and I am not sure what else but it is sure to be fascinating.

I am expecting that this time of learning, and simplicity away from the pace of day to day life, will allow me to think new thoughts and feel feelings, mostly dormant.  

I expect to return with an abundance of curiosity and huge enthusiasm for all of my projects.

We don’t always have the opportunity to get away like this—in fact, it’s rare.

But there are ways to do this while at home.

Here are a few for you to try:

1. Sit outside in your backyard, or on a park bench, or somewhere with nature around you. Sit there, with no agenda. Put your phone away and pay attention to what you hear, what you see, what you smell, and how your body feels exactly where you are. Then let your mind wander.

2. Take a warm bath. Have some music, or quiet, depending on which feels more indulgent and luxurious to you. And really let yourself be lost in the sensations there.

3. Invite your partner to be with you, softly gazing in one another’s eyes for 15-30 seconds. Don’t speak. Don’t look away. Let yourself be present with your partner and let your mind go wherever it takes you. Put your attention on BEing with one another, without any need to DO anything.

Do you have another way to “go on vacation” for a few minutes each day?

What do you experience when you do something like this? Do you notice you have more energy for yourself and your relationship?

I would love to hear your experience. Please email me at

Wishing you a beautiful mid-September, with summer clearly passed and the autumn not quite established yet.

In Service to Your Transformation,

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