Improve your Communication and Intimacy While Staying True to Yourself – Even In a Relationship

Communication is key in all areas of your life.

Whether it's in the boardroom, in your personal relationships, or within yourself, being able to express yourself clearly and authentically is essential to achieving your goals.

And yet, when it comes to communicating with our partners, many of us struggle. We may have different communication styles, history that gets in the way, or simply find it difficult to express ourselves in vulnerable situations. Recently, a group of women I have come to know over the past six months asked me about my personal journey, and how it led me to my current state of contentment and satisfaction in life. They were particularly interested with regard to my deeply fulfilling marriage. 

 

I shared with them the importance of good communication, presence, and cherishing one another, all of which have contributed to the success of my relationship with my husband. 

Are you ready to take your communication skills to the next level?
Are you ready to be the bold, kickass communicator you know you can be, in the boardroom and in the bedroom?

It begins with understanding that communication is not just about what we say, but how we say it. It’s about being present, listening generously, and speaking from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. It’s about having the courage to express your truth, while also respecting the truth of others.

 

One way to enhance your communication skills is to become very clear on your identity and your sense of self. Who are you? What are your core values? What do you stand for? Knowing your answers, increases confidence and effectiveness in communication.

 

You have to be willing to do the deep work if you want to evolve your communication style.

This means being open to feedback, examining your past experiences, and seeking out resources and support to help you grow. It’s also important to recognize that effective communication takes practice. You won’t become a master communicator overnight, but by committing to consistently showing up as your authentic self, you will see progress and improvement over time.

There are some specific challenges that often arise when communicating with our partners.

One common issue is navigating different communication styles.

Looking back at the early days of my marriage, I realized that my husband and I had different approaches to conflict resolution. While I valued open communication and honesty, my husband tended to withdraw in the face of conflict. Yet I persisted in encouraging him to express his thoughts and feelings, even though it went against his natural inclination.

One day, my husband surprised me by raising his voice and expressing his opinion. I was thrilled to see him assert himself, and responded with more intensity than I’d shown him before. I think he was expecting me to celebrate that he was finally speaking up so when I dialed up my response it overwhelmed him and caused him to withdraw again. This experience taught me the importance of listening generously and honoring my partner’s experience. It also showed me the value in dialing down my own reactions if that’s what it takes to create a safe space for honest communication.

You may be a direct, assertive communicator, while your partner prefers a more indirect, passive approach.

This can lead to misunderstandings and frustration on both sides.

To overcome this challenge, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy and curiosity. Try to understand where your partner is coming from, and be willing to adapt your communication style to better meet their needs. At the same time, express your own needs and boundaries with clarity and assertiveness.

 

Another common challenge involves navigating intense emotions. It can be difficult to express ourselves effectively when we are overwhelmed or triggered. In these moments, it’s important to take a step back, breathe, and ground yourself into the present moment. From there, you can approach the situation with a clear head and communicate in a more intentional and effective way.

 

Ultimately, becoming a kickass communicator requires a commitment to growth and a willingness to show up as your authentic self. It means recognizing that communication is a skill that can be honed and developed over time. So, take a deep breath, get ready, and start communicating like the powerful partner you are.

 

Try it for yourself! And if you’d like to learn more about having a growth oriented relationship read my book Uncompromising Intimacy and check out my coaching programs here

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About Dr. Alexandra

Alexandra Stockwell, MD, aka “The Intimacy Doctor,” is widely known for her ability to catalyze immediate and profound shifts in high achieving couples who want it all–genuine emotional connection, sensual passion, and erotic intimacy.

A physician coach and Intimate Marriage Expert, Alexandra is the best-selling author of “Uncompromising Intimacy,” host of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, as well as a wife of 28 years and a mother of 4. Couples who work with her discover the key to passion, fulfillment, intimacy, and success isn’t compromise–it’s being unwilling to compromise–because when both people feel free to be themselves, the relationship is juicy, erotically alive, and deeply nourishing.

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