Are you someone who prides themselves on their ability to get things done? Do you juggle work, family, and personal responsibilities like a pro? And do you measure your self-worth based on how much you accomplish? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re not alone. Our culture rewards us for being busy and achieving more, but at what cost?
Being in a culture that values activity and busyness in this way is being in a culture that strangles relationships and makes intimacy elusive.
Saying “no” to something we don’t want to do is socially unacceptable, so we default to saying we’re busy. But this constant busyness can take a toll on our relationships and intimacy. To truly connect with someone, we need to be present with them. Let go of self-judgment, future worries, and resentment from the past. Learn to be mindful, notice your feelings, and share them openly with your partner.
When we constantly judge ourselves, we create an internal dialogue that can cause anxiety, stress, and feelings of inadequacy. This internal dialogue can be especially detrimental in our relationships as it can lead to feelings of defensiveness, emotional distance, and conflict.
Letting go of self-judgment through self-awareness, self-compassion, and focusing on the present moment is crucial for cultivating deeper connections and intimacy in our relationships.
To let go of self-judgment, we must first become aware of it. Pay attention to the thoughts that pop up in your head and how they make you feel. When you notice self-judgment, try to pause and observe it without judgment. Acknowledge that this thought is just a passing mental event and not a reflection of reality.
Next, practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you would offer to a close friend. You can do this by reminding yourself of your positive qualities, talking to yourself in a gentle and understanding way, and being patient with yourself when things don’t go as planned.
Lastly, focus on the present moment. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes or worrying about future outcomes, try to be fully present in the current moment. Pay attention to your surroundings, engage in conversation, and be aware of your emotions and physical sensations. By doing so, you can cultivate a deeper sense of connection with yourself and others, leading to more meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
Try it for yourself! And if you’d like to learn more about having a growth oriented relationship read my book Uncompromising Intimacy and check out my coaching programs here.