Attraction Alchemy! (for single women)

Attraction Alchemy! (for single women)

Are you a single woman wanting to meet your man? (If you’re not, please forward this blog to someone who is.)

Would you like to learn how to attract the right man to share your life & have a loving, long-term committed relationship?

Have you ever wanted to have more love in your life, & grow with your ideal partner, creating a loving family together?

Do you ever struggle with being closed off in your dating life, unfulfilled & attracting emotionally unavailable men?

It’s time to let go of loneliness, frustration, or feeling like you’re wasting time dating men who don’t want what you want.

Enough is enough!

Here’s the truth: There ARE plenty of high-quality, available men who are looking for what you’re looking for–many women have been able to attract their loving partners and are now in happy, committed relationships.

The key is that IT’S RARE TO BE TAUGHT THE SECRET TOOLS & INSIGHTS needed to succeed in dating so that you magnetize your man, the one you will want to share your life with.

For this reason, I chose to partner with Antia and Brody Boyd in a NEW amazing online event. I am one of 23 experts interviewed in a truly unique learning opportunity entitled:

“ATTRACTION ALCHEMY: Discover The Magic Formulas To Attract Your Forever Love!”

Each of the experts will share wisdom and magic in a unique, fun, profound way—because each of us has chosen to embody a particular archetype, dressing up and playing the part, in order to teach you a specific tool, sharing energy and insights that you need to manifest the love you long for.

During this FREE exclusive online event, Antia & Brody will interview dating & relationship experts (including me) who will reveal lasting-love formulas such as…

♥ How To Attract The Right Man To Share Your Life & Cocreate A Loving, Committed Relationship ASAP, Without Wasting Time, Being Unhappy And Alone

♥ How To Be More Open, Release The Past & Attract Your Ideal Life Partner The Joyful Way Without Disappointment, The Fear Of Getting Hurt Again Or Having Only Short-Term Relationships

♥ Magic Formulas To Attract A High-Quality, Emotionally Available Man, Have Fun & Grow Together Quickly Without Feeling Unsafe, Unsupported Or Missing Out

♥ How To Get Married To A Strong Man And Make The World A Better Place Together Without Insecurity, Ineffective Communication Or Rejection

♥ Plus Much More!

Over the course of this 6-day online event, you’ll discover the magical potions, formulas, art, and science that is Attraction Alchemy:

>> Click Here RIGHT NOW TO CLAIM YOUR EXCLUSIVE FREE EVENT TICKET<< 

I’m SUPER excited for this since it’s such a unique & special event so if you are a single woman looking to meet an amazing man, make sure to register–you won’t want to miss out on this spectacular, one-of-a-kind, magical learning opportunity!

>> CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR FREE EVENT TICKET AS SPOTS ARE STILL AVAILABLE! << 

Each expert will also be sharing a special Golden Nugget of Truth. Once you collect them all you can enter your name to win a special prize! The entire event consists of interviews with highly successful, inspiring experts who will be gifting you real tools and information so you can take steps to finally start a life-long journey with the one special man, creating the loving relationship you’ve always wanted, and have been eagerly awaiting.

>> CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR FREE EVENT TICKET AS SPOTS ARE STILL AVAILABLE! <<

Can you guess which archetype I chose to play??? (Hint: it’s in the photo)

Email me at alexandra@alexandrastockwell.com and tell me which archetype you would want me to embody.

Can’t wait to see you at this amazing FREE online event!

How do you replenish yourself?

How do you replenish yourself?

I was recently coaching a couple, and we were talking about feeling depleted and worn out by life and intimate relating.

I told them it is so important to identify what replenishes you, and to make sure to spend time doing whatever that is. It’s essential to consider the difference between activities which are distracting, versus those which are replenishing.

If you are having a tough time in your relationship and you distract yourself for a little while, when you return to your partner everything will be just as you left it.

But if you do something which replenishes you, you will return to your partner with more energy, patience, curiosity, and an expanded bandwidth for whatever arises.

This is true during tough times in relationships.

It is also true during life in general.

This is one of the main purposes of vacations. However, for parents taking a family vacation, very often we come home feeling like we need a vacation from our vacation, before getting back into the routine of things!

This week I am going with two of my children to a family science camp. We will be in northern California in a redwood forest near Mendocino. We will have no electricity and no wifi. We will be staying in cabins with battery-operated lanterns, hearing the sounds of wildlife in the night.

During the day we will be with other families, learning from naturalists about the land, what grows there, the creatures that live there, and I am not sure what else but it is sure to be fascinating.

I am expecting that this time of learning, and simplicity away from the pace of day to day life, will allow me to think new thoughts and feel feelings, mostly dormant.  

I expect to return with an abundance of curiosity and huge enthusiasm for all of my projects.

We don’t always have the opportunity to get away like this—in fact, it’s rare.

But there are ways to do this while at home.

Here are a few for you to try:

1. Sit outside in your backyard, or on a park bench, or somewhere with nature around you. Sit there, with no agenda. Put your phone away and pay attention to what you hear, what you see, what you smell, and how your body feels exactly where you are. Then let your mind wander.

2. Take a warm bath. Have some music, or quiet, depending on which feels more indulgent and luxurious to you. And really let yourself be lost in the sensations there.

3. Invite your partner to be with you, softly gazing in one another’s eyes for 15-30 seconds. Don’t speak. Don’t look away. Let yourself be present with your partner and let your mind go wherever it takes you. Put your attention on BEing with one another, without any need to DO anything.

Do you have another way to “go on vacation” for a few minutes each day?

What do you experience when you do something like this? Do you notice you have more energy for yourself and your relationship?

I would love to hear your experience. Please email me at alexandras@alexandrastockwell.com.

Wishing you a beautiful mid-September, with summer clearly passed and the autumn not quite established yet.

In Service to Your Transformation,

Is your spouse becoming a roommate?

Is your spouse becoming a roommate?

So often, relationships look really good on the outside even when one partner experiences disconnection, and yearns to be cherished and adored.

There are relationships where the disconnection, antagonism, and dismissiveness is evident.

You’ve all encountered the situation when a man tells his woman it’s time to leave a store or a party and none of his words or his tone are respectfully asking if she is ready to leave. Nope, he is telling her it’s time, right now, regardless of what she wants in that moment. Sometimes it’s a woman who henpecks her guy in ways that are uncomfortable to watch.

But most relationships aren’t like that.

More commonly, both partners are collaborative… providing for their family and devoted to their children…going on vacation and posting great pictures on Facebook…celebrating milestone events and creating pretty interior design upgrades.

It has the look of a stable, connected family.

In some respects, it IS a stable, connected family—because both partners are committed to the relationship and to living life together. In other respects, it isn’t connected at all, because both partners are (un)consciously choosing to keep things in a state of equilibrium, hoping it will improve with time when the kids are older or they move to a larger home, or some financial goal is achieved.

In the meantime, it’s okay to make love once a month or a lot less often. It’s okay to talk about logistics and kids, all but 4 minutes per day—research says that’s how it is for a majority of couples.

It’s okay for him to watch sports as his main way to unwind and it’s okay for her to get her emotional intimacy from friendships and Netflix, and maybe her career.

That’s how it was for Jayne and Paul.

She loved him deeply!

He was everything she had wanted in a partner. He was an accountant with his own firm, with stable earnings, which increased almost every year. He was good at his job, and happy to leave in time to coach their son’s baseball team. He loved Halloween and still put on a costume even though their kids went trick or treating on their own.

Jayne loved his sense of humor and found his quirky way of putting cream in his mug, and then adding coffee to be singularly endearing. She knew he was the right man for her.

Even so, Jayne felt dead inside. 

That was probably too strong a word, at least most of the time. She was more likely to say she was doing “great” when talking to friends from high school and college because there was a lot that was great in her life.

When talking with her sister she might say,
“I just thought life would be different.”

And what she meant by that was that she felt alone in her own marriage…

  • Was she no longer attractive because she was getting older?
  • Did he not find her interesting anymore?
  • Was he having a tough time emotionally and not telling her? Even after months of being less interested in her stories and what was going on in her life, Jayne wasn’t sure what was having Paul withdraw.

Part of what was frustrating is that Jayne is a very competent woman. She is a patent attorney and is known for her sharp mind and excellent follow-through, plus being upbeat and good at customer service.

She manages her children’s activities and makes sure the family’s needs are well attended to with doctor visits, meal planning, packing lunches, planning birthday parties, educational opportunities, etc, etc.

She moves through her life resolving problems and handling challenges. Sometimes she’s stressed and just needs a break so she takes a hot bath and watches Netflix with a glass of wine in her hand. Then she’s ready to pick it back up and make it all happen again.

But when it comes to the lack of passion in their marriage…the emotional isolation she feels with the person she shares a bed with…none of her competence and managerial excellence are much help.

So, mostly she avoided it and focused on what was good in her life.

Until she heard me speak on a podcast, describing her exact situation in response to a question about whether long term relationships are a place where passion can be maintained.

She hesitatingly sent a short email saying she wanted to know more…

One thing lead to another, and after working with me, Jayne now knows how to talk with Paul about their situation in a way that has him quite interested in changing things.

They are more honest with one another than they have ever been, and while they still have some work to understand one another’s sensual needs and desires, Jayne knows he loves her, and that they are both willing to try new things and see what happens.

  • If you feel lonely inside your relationship…
  • If you want more and can’t quite figure out how to say what you want…
  • If you feel clear how to handle challenges in other areas of life and not really sure how to handle challenges with your partner…

I have created a program, which lays out the steps for addressing each of these situations.

If you are interested in hearing more about it, please email me at alexandras@alexandrastockwell.com, and I will send you some information and answer any questions you have.

As summer comes to an end, school is starting, and the end of 2019 is around the corner, I wish you lots of moments of peacefulness and delight, on your own and with your partner.

In Service to Your Transformation,

Do you feel smug about your relationship?

Do you feel smug about your relationship?

For most of my clients, everything looks perfectly good from the outside.

Men and women, women and women, men and men…all are devoted to their family, they work hard and show up for birthday parties and soccer games. They remember anniversaries (at least most of the time), and they are typically supportive of one another.

And, under that, the relationship includes deep, unspoken pain. The pain that comes with not being seen, not feeling heard, not being cherished, not being admired, or desired.

Sally was 48 and Gary was 47 when I met them a few years ago. They have two children, Natalie was in 10th grade and Jasmine in 8th grade. 

In their home, they had happy family photos of all four of them, of each child, and groupings of various sorts.  (Though with my eye, I noted that in all the recent family photos Sally and Gary had their arms around the girls and far less often around one another.) Sally is an attorney and Gary owns a medical supply company. 

They both work hard. 

Nevertheless, they were able to arrange things so that Mon-Thursday Sally was home when the girls got home from school and needed to be driven to ballet, choir, soccer or swim team, and Gary was home early on Fridays so he could take them to their extra dance class now that they were both on pointe.

By all appearances, they looked like a happy family, with Sally and Gary enjoying a happy marriage. 

And, in many ways they were.

They didn’t argue about finances. They rarely argued about anything. And when they had a disagreement or different inclinations, most of the time they did what Sally wanted. 

They used to spend some time negotiating things, but in recent years there seemed to be a lot less negotiating, and a lot more moving into whatever Sally wanted. She sometimes wondered about that and wondered if that really worked for Gary. 

But it was a fleeting concern because she also knew that what she wanted would be best for everyone in the family, so it made sense to her that they did what she wanted. 

Every now and then Gary had an idea which was awesome, but mostly she knew better what to do. He seemed to have recognized that and didn’t put much effort into resisting anything that mattered to her.

Gary was the decision-maker in his company and had a lot of challenges there, and had learned to become an effective leader, taking good care of his team, and being in a position to provide well for his family.  

So he never saw the point in pushing anything when Sally wanted to do things, and he felt that it all worked out well for everyone. With busy full lives and such a satisfactory relationship, Sally and Gary sometimes felt smug and proud that they had such a strong marriage

After all, they had friends who had gone through divorces—some toxic, nasty, and really hurtful and some seemingly more collaborative, but either way, there was such loss of dreams, of the family, of a future built with their partner in life. 

So, yes, sometimes they were smug and glad to get along so well.

However, when I met them, they weren’t feeling smug; they were feeling very tender.

And hesitant to talk about their difficulties.

Ashamed.

Unsure if they even needed my help. I listened, recognizing this familiar situation. 

The situation where everything seems like it should be great.  

But…it is not.

They hadn’t had sex in 6 months, and they couldn’t remember when last they made love—losing themselves in one another and feeling more alive because of it. 

They had shed any flirtatiousness and had transitioned into being roommates and hadn’t even noticed when it happened. So here they were, yearning for more connection with one another, and feeling hopeless, with no idea what to do about it.

Sally had read a few books and tried to implement some suggestions. The results were disappointing: it never worked out in her life the way it did in the books.  

She wondered if she was no longer attractive to him. And what emerged is that Gary was totally attracted to her, but trapped with feelings of inadequacy, unable to figure out how to make his woman happy—in bed and out.

This is a very tender moment in a relationship—the time when everything looks like it’s great and a couple is ready to…

Acknowledge to themselves that it isn’t, acknowledge it to themselves, and also take a step to do something about it.

And, what I tell every single couple, is that there truly is SO MUCH to be done. 

Intimacy (emotional and otherwise) is absolutely a learnable skill and I teach it every single day. 

If this resonates with you, know you are not alone and in fact, the majority of couples are in this kind of situation.

 
If this resonates with you, check out the Conscious Partnership Program

If this resonates with you, let me know how it feels to read this email and if there is anything you want me to write about next.

In Service to Your Transformation, 
Want more Self-Love? Better Communication? or Getting Started in Business?

Want more Self-Love? Better Communication? or Getting Started in Business?

Last week school started where I live. Traffic patterns shift with drop off and pick up times. The neighborhood is quieter during the day. Parents everywhere have a little more breathing room in their schedule. The newness of shiny backpacks and unread books brings excitement, along with trepidation about what’s ahead.

It’s also a great time for new beginnings for adults. As temperatures cool and heads clear, there is room for new endeavors, for tasks not yet done to be completed and new dreams to emerge.

If your dreams involve more 
self-love, improved communication skills, or getting started in business, I have some low cost or FREE opportunities for you, amazing workshops and classes being offered by three of my friends and colleagues.

Kari Lynn Morgan is a passionate woman who knows how to enjoy life in the good times, and how to connect with herself in times of struggle. She will be teaching, “Finding Self-Love in Times of Darkness”. 
How do you love yourself when you feel unlovable? 

In times of sadness, anger, resentment, victimhood, we can still choose to love who we are.
 

This 6-week course will explore ways to stay present and loving, with all parts of you, even in difficult times. We’ll explore questions such as:
  • What does self-love mean to you?
  • How do you stay connected when you want to run?
  • What is the difference between self-love and avoidance?
  • What happens when it gets too difficult?
  • Why shouldn’t I just “pop out of it?”
Click here to find out more about this live online course, taught by Kari Lynn Morgan.
 
Terri Moon is offering “Increasing Connection with Self and Others: An Intro to Heart-based Communication”.

Terri is a warm-hearted woman with a loving, generous presence. 

For more information, click here.

I have had the pleasure of teaming up with Jen Serebrin, host of “Successful Start for Entrepreneurs”. Her online show is all about getting started in business, learning tips and tools from others who are successful, so that you set yourself up for success!

The show starts on September 3rd and is FREE.  Register for the event by clicking here.
In Service to Your Transformation,
How do you talk about the hard stuff?

How do you talk about the hard stuff?

One of the big challenges in relationship is not having role models worth emulating.

If you want to be an Olympic gymnast, you have Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas (and many others) to inspire you. If you want to be an amazing entrepreneur you have Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos to inspire you. And so it goes in music, science, and yes, even politics, though not necessarily currently.

But when it comes to relationships, it’s really hard to find people who inspire and whose relationship you would want to recreate in your own life.

This really matters.

Because as humans we learn through imitation; the lack of role models makes it that much harder to create the relationship you really want.

This is what inspired me to create “Conscious Partnership: Connect, Ignite, Create”. In it I tell the stories of three amazing couples I have coached, sharing details about their relationship before working with me, what they did to shift it, and what their relationship is like now (all with their permission, of course).

Their stories provide Inspiration, Permission, and Hope.

In the Conscious Partnership Program, during the live calls, couples get to hear about one another’s journeys, and it is always amazing how relevant one couples’ challenges and triumphs are to others.

After years of coaching couples privately (which I still do), I was a little hesitant to offer a group program where couples enjoy interesting videos and exercises, and also participate in a Group Q and A Coaching call. I thought it might have people share less, but the opposite happens.

In the Conscious Partnership Program, couples are inspired hearing one another’s stories. They get perspective on their own story just from hearing what someone else is dealing with. The calls are the opposite of the “everything’s perfect”, curated sharing that is available on Facebook and other social media.

In these calls, sharing is real and authentic and heartfelt. And sometimes quite painful, when that is the reality of the moment.

In hearing others, something synergistic happens! Invariably, when one person shares and receives coaching, everyone evolves.

I wonder if that’s how it was when we lived in much more connected neighborhoods, and small villages, coming together around common needs for survival and companionship.  The closest I have come to experiencing that was when I was 22, and worked in a hospital lab. All of my coworkers were women.

Every decade was represented, up to a woman in her 70s, and each of these women lived a life that aligned with some similar and some different values. I doubt we would have chosen to all hang out on a regular basis—in fact I am certain of it. Yet, being together 8 hours a day in the closeness of a microbiology lab, we did a lot more than work together.

In that lab, I listened as one woman spoke about how she felt when her young daughter discovered her husband’s stash of Playboy magazines. (This was before the internet and internet porn.). She had been able to look the other way, and feel that it was “no big deal” for herself, but when her daughter brought them to her with questions, she realized it hadn’t felt as straightforward as she had wanted to believe.

Another woman, herself in an arranged marriage, talked through the realities of a daughter who shared with her that she was planning to lose her virginity to her high school sweetheart. That woman was all courage as she wrestled exquisitely with her childhood culture blending with her daughter’s reality. She strove to deal with the tension in herself, while still giving her daughter some standards that made sense.

In that lab, one of my coworkers was very overweight—a wonderful woman wanting to be healthy and feel attractive. But every time she lost more than 50 pounds her husband passive aggressively undermined her. If she became too confident and too attractive, it would completely distort the couple’s power dynamic–one which he thoroughly enjoyed.

I listened, with gratitude for the authenticity of these shares. And in the decades since, as I married, raised children, and faced other situations I first learned from them, their heartfelt yearnings have come to mind…they are fuel for my own deliberations and decision-making.

In the Conscious Partnership Program Q and A Coaching calls, this quality of sharing is the norm. People share things rarely spoken to others. And, in the process, magic happens…man and woman soften.

They become Soulful, Proactive, and Inspired–completely in awe of what is possible in their own and others’ relationships.

  • Where do you get inspiration for your relationship?
  • Do you have people in your life whose relationship you admire?
  • Would you like to join the Conscious Partnership Program and join our riveting, helpful conversations?