WANT TO BE AN EARLY READER???
My first book, “Uncompromising Intimacy,” is in the hands of my editor and I will soon be getting it back.
When I was young, starting with my first summer at Sleep Away Camp, I started writing letters.
I have written hundreds and hundreds of them over the years.
When I had little children and was in the process of orienting to the deaths of first one and then the other of my parents, I had a very thorough homeopathic consultation with an MD. He asked me what I liked to do for fun.
The only thing I could think of was “writing letters”. Of course, now I can think of a list longer than this email of things I really enjoy doing. But back then, it was writing letters, and that’s it. Writing letters still is something delicious for me. When I sit down to write to you each week, I savor the opportunity.
I think of writing letters as journaling while in dialogue with someone else.
And, since I was a teenager, people have received my letters with gladness and gratitude; they have also told me I should write a book.
The amazing thing is that now I have written a book–at least the first draft of my manuscript. I have written my book as though it’s a letter to my reader.
Who is my reader?
My reader is YOU if you want more emotional intimacy and sensual passion in your relationship, if you want tools and understanding to create the relationship you yearn for.
It’s you if want to co-create Conscious Partnership and have the tools for a lifelong deeply satisfying, passionate relationship.
If this speaks to you, please become an early reader of “Uncompromising Intimacy”. It will mean being one of the first to purchase the book on Amazon, and it will mean celebrating with me and writing a testimonial.
It will also mean getting the book for 99 cents. Once the book is released, it will cost $12.95 or $17.95. Actually, I have been completely focused on writing the book and haven’t yet learned how to price it, so I am just making up those numbers. But I definitely know it will be more than 99 cents!
Would you like to be an early reader?
If so, join my book launch community where I will share special updates, teach some of the content in the book, and celebrate this big moment!
If you like the sound of that, join the “Uncompromising Intimacy” Early Reader Community Facebook group.
I can’t wait to see you there, to talk about all things related to creating a truly outstanding relationship.
With pleasure and purpose,
Wedding officiant–that’s what I was this past weekend as I celebrated the marriage of two of my wonderful clients.
They chose a gorgeous setting in Sonoma County, near the ocean and in the magnificent rural landscape of northern California. The whole affair was elegant and warm, with family from all over the country and Europe in attendance.
I coached this couple for four months and was able to bring to the ceremony the depth and intensity of their love and the challenges they have overcome to joyfully, and with open hearts, merge their lives together.
I think one of my favorite moments of the weekend was hearing them express their vows, hearing them express their love and the clarity with which they see one another.
This was also very meaningful to me because my mother officiated many weddings and I used to eavesdrop in on her conversations about practical matters, and the purpose and meaning in the ceremony.
This is me, at the beginning of the ceremony, watching in awe as the groom and his father walked down the aisle together.
I felt close to her as I performed that role, drawing on her energy which continues to be available 17 years after she took her last breath.
It meant that giving generously to this couple fed me deeply in ways they couldn’t have known…
In preparing for the ceremony I thought a lot about this wonderful couple, and also about marriage in general. Here is an excerpt from the ceremony.
“Marriage is like a garden. It requires ongoing tending, or the beauty is lost. With consistent attention, there are exquisite blossoms…marvelous scents, incredible colors, and breathtaking shapes. In every flower, there are mysteries to discover, new patterns to see and more delight to be had.
The key is remembering to put in the time, and attention, for the garden to thrive, to remove the inevitable and often persistent weeds in order to keep everything vibrant…
Marriage is not for the faint of heart, even as the rewards are among the best that life offers.”
Does this ring true for you?
What analogy would you use, to describe the experience of being in a committed relationship for a very long time?
I hope you are enjoying the transition from summer to fall, with the equinox between them.
Do you want a hot, deeply satisfying passionate relationship with your Beloved?
Ever wonder why you don’t have one?
It’s not because you don’t deserve it—you do!
You, and your partner, and everyone else one earth deserves to live a meaningful and happy life, so the real question is what’s blocking you from having that.
There are at least two main reasons why committed relationships often eventually lack passion.
The first reason is a lack of role models; people have no idea where to turn for inspiration and education. As mammals, we learn through imitation.
Even though we yearn to be cherished and deeply loved body, soul and spirit, without any role models it’s very challenging to know how to create it. (It’s for this reason that I tend to share generously from my own life and relationship.)
The second reason and the main reason passion fades is something I learned years ago while participating in a transformational workshop…
It is RESENTMENT.
In that workshop, many participants identified as addicts to alcohol, addicts to approval from others or feeling a victim. I too wanted to find my addiction, meaning the thing that would take me under if I wasn’t careful in managing it.
And then I realized, I was addicted to resentment.
Resentment kept me feeling superior, clear about what others did that wasn’t good for them and/or good for me, knowing I deserved something better while stewing in that knowing without changing anything.
Once my proclivity or “addiction” to resentment revealed itself, I saw when things were challenging my first response was to fall into resentment. Once I realized that I began to see my marriage in a whole other light.
I saw when I wasn’t satisfied, rather than sharing my truth or shifting my mindset, I instead went quickly towards resentment.
Indeed, I had become intimate with many flavors of resentment—dramatic resentment that felt like fire coming out of my ears even when I said I was “fine”, and super mild resentment that felt much like oxygen to my system since I didn’t even notice I was feeling it. And there was a whole range of different flavors in between.
I saw that I had co-created an energetic straight jacket made up of my resentment towards my husband and others in my life.
When I talk with people who feel unhappy or dissatisfied with the quality of their relationship, they do not typically realize that resentment is coloring their experience of their partner and the relationship they share.
But every single time, once we are deep in the work of transformation and accessing passion in exquisite ways, then the truth of how resentment has guided their experience is readily appreciated.
Given the prevalence and power of resentment, a natural next question to ask is how to get rid of it.
There are many options and the real answer is whichever one seems most appealing to you!
Here are a few options, by category:
- There are physical ways to resolve resentment: exercise, yoga, taking a walk in nature.
- There are emotional ways such as identifying and allowing your feelings to arise, writing letters where you express without censoring anything (don’t send them—it’s just for you) and role-play.
These are mental ways which include any change in your thinking. Byron Katie’s: The Work is a well known, outstanding option, as is journaling.
- Spiritual methods include prayer and meditation.
If you already have a practice doing one of the activities listed above, or something similar, use it deliberately to transform your resentment towards your partner and the state of your relationship.
If you don’t already have a practice, try one of the activities that seems most interesting and workable for you.
If you are interested in both working through your resentment and learning how to share your truth with your partner, let me know.
I have an intimate group of couples doing this work together—if you are interested to hear more, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be glad to send you information about it.
And please, email me at email@example.com and let me know your experience.
Do you feel a backlog of dissatisfaction and resentment?
Do you feel comfortable sharing your truth with your partner?
What do you do to feel joyful and openhearted in the face of dissatisfaction in your relationship?
In Service to Your Transformation,
Are you a single woman wanting to meet your man? (If you’re not, please forward this blog to someone who is.)
Would you like to learn how to attract the right man to share your life & have a loving, long-term committed relationship?
Have you ever wanted to have more love in your life, & grow with your ideal partner, creating a loving family together?
Do you ever struggle with being closed off in your dating life, unfulfilled & attracting emotionally unavailable men?
It’s time to let go of loneliness, frustration, or feeling like you’re wasting time dating men who don’t want what you want.
Enough is enough!
Here’s the truth: There ARE plenty of high-quality, available men who are looking for what you’re looking for–many women have been able to attract their loving partners and are now in happy, committed relationships.
The key is that IT’S RARE TO BE TAUGHT THE SECRET TOOLS & INSIGHTS needed to succeed in dating so that you magnetize your man, the one you will want to share your life with.
For this reason, I chose to partner with Antia and Brody Boyd in a NEW amazing online event. I am one of 23 experts interviewed in a truly unique learning opportunity entitled:
“ATTRACTION ALCHEMY: Discover The Magic Formulas To Attract Your Forever Love!”
Each of the experts will share wisdom and magic in a unique, fun, profound way—because each of us has chosen to embody a particular archetype, dressing up and playing the part, in order to teach you a specific tool, sharing energy and insights that you need to manifest the love you long for.
During this FREE exclusive online event, Antia & Brody will interview dating & relationship experts (including me) who will reveal lasting-love formulas such as…
♥ How To Attract The Right Man To Share Your Life & Cocreate A Loving, Committed Relationship ASAP, Without Wasting Time, Being Unhappy And Alone
♥ How To Be More Open, Release The Past & Attract Your Ideal Life Partner The Joyful Way Without Disappointment, The Fear Of Getting Hurt Again Or Having Only Short-Term Relationships
♥ Magic Formulas To Attract A High-Quality, Emotionally Available Man, Have Fun & Grow Together Quickly Without Feeling Unsafe, Unsupported Or Missing Out
♥ How To Get Married To A Strong Man And Make The World A Better Place Together Without Insecurity, Ineffective Communication Or Rejection
♥ Plus Much More!
Over the course of this 6-day online event, you’ll discover the magical potions, formulas, art, and science that is Attraction Alchemy:
>> Click Here RIGHT NOW TO CLAIM YOUR EXCLUSIVE FREE EVENT TICKET<<
I’m SUPER excited for this since it’s such a unique & special event so if you are a single woman looking to meet an amazing man, make sure to register–you won’t want to miss out on this spectacular, one-of-a-kind, magical learning opportunity!
>> CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR FREE EVENT TICKET AS SPOTS ARE STILL AVAILABLE! <<
Each expert will also be sharing a special Golden Nugget of Truth. Once you collect them all you can enter your name to win a special prize! The entire event consists of interviews with highly successful, inspiring experts who will be gifting you real tools and information so you can take steps to finally start a life-long journey with the one special man, creating the loving relationship you’ve always wanted, and have been eagerly awaiting.
>> CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR FREE EVENT TICKET AS SPOTS ARE STILL AVAILABLE! <<
Can you guess which archetype I chose to play??? (Hint: it’s in the photo)
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me which archetype you would want me to embody.
Can’t wait to see you at this amazing FREE online event!
I was recently coaching a couple, and we were talking about feeling depleted and worn out by life and intimate relating.
I told them it is so important to identify what replenishes you, and to make sure to spend time doing whatever that is. It’s essential to consider the difference between activities which are distracting, versus those which are replenishing.
If you are having a tough time in your relationship and you distract yourself for a little while, when you return to your partner everything will be just as you left it.
But if you do something which replenishes you, you will return to your partner with more energy, patience, curiosity, and an expanded bandwidth for whatever arises.
This is true during tough times in relationships.
It is also true during life in general.
This is one of the main purposes of vacations. However, for parents taking a family vacation, very often we come home feeling like we need a vacation from our vacation, before getting back into the routine of things!
This week I am going with two of my children to a family science camp. We will be in northern California in a redwood forest near Mendocino. We will have no electricity and no wifi. We will be staying in cabins with battery-operated lanterns, hearing the sounds of wildlife in the night.
During the day we will be with other families, learning from naturalists about the land, what grows there, the creatures that live there, and I am not sure what else but it is sure to be fascinating.
I am expecting that this time of learning, and simplicity away from the pace of day to day life, will allow me to think new thoughts and feel feelings, mostly dormant.
I expect to return with an abundance of curiosity and huge enthusiasm for all of my projects.
We don’t always have the opportunity to get away like this—in fact, it’s rare.
But there are ways to do this while at home.
Here are a few for you to try:
1. Sit outside in your backyard, or on a park bench, or somewhere with nature around you. Sit there, with no agenda. Put your phone away and pay attention to what you hear, what you see, what you smell, and how your body feels exactly where you are. Then let your mind wander.
2. Take a warm bath. Have some music, or quiet, depending on which feels more indulgent and luxurious to you. And really let yourself be lost in the sensations there.
3. Invite your partner to be with you, softly gazing in one another’s eyes for 15-30 seconds. Don’t speak. Don’t look away. Let yourself be present with your partner and let your mind go wherever it takes you. Put your attention on BEing with one another, without any need to DO anything.
Do you have another way to “go on vacation” for a few minutes each day?
What do you experience when you do something like this? Do you notice you have more energy for yourself and your relationship?
I would love to hear your experience. Please email me at email@example.com.
Wishing you a beautiful mid-September, with summer clearly passed and the autumn not quite established yet.
In Service to Your Transformation,
So often, relationships look really good on the outside even when one partner experiences disconnection, and yearns to be cherished and adored.
There are relationships where the disconnection, antagonism, and dismissiveness is evident.
You’ve all encountered the situation when a man tells his woman it’s time to leave a store or a party and none of his words or his tone are respectfully asking if she is ready to leave. Nope, he is telling her it’s time, right now, regardless of what she wants in that moment. Sometimes it’s a woman who henpecks her guy in ways that are uncomfortable to watch.
But most relationships aren’t like that.
More commonly, both partners are collaborative… providing for their family and devoted to their children…going on vacation and posting great pictures on Facebook…celebrating milestone events and creating pretty interior design upgrades.
It has the look of a stable, connected family.
In some respects, it IS a stable, connected family—because both partners are committed to the relationship and to living life together. In other respects, it isn’t connected at all, because both partners are (un)consciously choosing to keep things in a state of equilibrium, hoping it will improve with time when the kids are older or they move to a larger home, or some financial goal is achieved.
In the meantime, it’s okay to make love once a month or a lot less often. It’s okay to talk about logistics and kids, all but 4 minutes per day—research says that’s how it is for a majority of couples.
It’s okay for him to watch sports as his main way to unwind and it’s okay for her to get her emotional intimacy from friendships and Netflix, and maybe her career.
That’s how it was for Jayne and Paul.
She loved him deeply!
He was everything she had wanted in a partner. He was an accountant with his own firm, with stable earnings, which increased almost every year. He was good at his job, and happy to leave in time to coach their son’s baseball team. He loved Halloween and still put on a costume even though their kids went trick or treating on their own.
Jayne loved his sense of humor and found his quirky way of putting cream in his mug, and then adding coffee to be singularly endearing. She knew he was the right man for her.
Even so, Jayne felt dead inside.
That was probably too strong a word, at least most of the time. She was more likely to say she was doing “great” when talking to friends from high school and college because there was a lot that was great in her life.
When talking with her sister she might say,
“I just thought life would be different.”
And what she meant by that was that she felt alone in her own marriage…
- Was she no longer attractive because she was getting older?
- Did he not find her interesting anymore?
- Was he having a tough time emotionally and not telling her? Even after months of being less interested in her stories and what was going on in her life, Jayne wasn’t sure what was having Paul withdraw.
Part of what was frustrating is that Jayne is a very competent woman. She is a patent attorney and is known for her sharp mind and excellent follow-through, plus being upbeat and good at customer service.
She manages her children’s activities and makes sure the family’s needs are well attended to with doctor visits, meal planning, packing lunches, planning birthday parties, educational opportunities, etc, etc.
She moves through her life resolving problems and handling challenges. Sometimes she’s stressed and just needs a break so she takes a hot bath and watches Netflix with a glass of wine in her hand. Then she’s ready to pick it back up and make it all happen again.
But when it comes to the lack of passion in their marriage…the emotional isolation she feels with the person she shares a bed with…none of her competence and managerial excellence are much help.
So, mostly she avoided it and focused on what was good in her life.
Until she heard me speak on a podcast, describing her exact situation in response to a question about whether long term relationships are a place where passion can be maintained.
She hesitatingly sent a short email saying she wanted to know more…
One thing lead to another, and after working with me, Jayne now knows how to talk with Paul about their situation in a way that has him quite interested in changing things.
They are more honest with one another than they have ever been, and while they still have some work to understand one another’s sensual needs and desires, Jayne knows he loves her, and that they are both willing to try new things and see what happens.
- If you feel lonely inside your relationship…
- If you want more and can’t quite figure out how to say what you want…
- If you feel clear how to handle challenges in other areas of life and not really sure how to handle challenges with your partner…
I have created a program, which lays out the steps for addressing each of these situations.
If you are interested in hearing more about it, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I will send you some information and answer any questions you have.
As summer comes to an end, school is starting, and the end of 2019 is around the corner, I wish you lots of moments of peacefulness and delight, on your own and with your partner.
In Service to Your Transformation,