When something goes wrong, we frequently respond with wanting to do something about it. Fix the problem. Find the solution. Make everything better. And while that can be a wonderful quality, sometimes our urge to fix is actually a way of escaping discomfort.
In this episode, Alexandra Stockwell, MD explores the surprising connection between feeling stressed and our tendency to fix. She explains how fight, flight, and freeze can evolve into “fix” in adulthood, particularly for capable, ambitious people who have learned to feel safe by solving problems and keeping everything under control.
Alexandra offers practical ways to recognize when you’re fixing from a place of stress versus offering solutions from a place of calm, spaciousness, and choice. She also shares simple tools to regulate your nervous system in the moment and to build a more resilient baseline over time.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
- Why “fixing” can become a stress response in adulthood
• How to tell the difference between empowered problem-solving and compulsive fixing
• Why a calm nervous system is essential for intimacy, communication, and passion
• Simple ways to pause and regulate yourself when you’re triggered
• How meditation, movement, pleasure, nature, and other practices strengthen your nervous system
• Why knowing you have multiple options is a sign that responding rather than reacting
You don’t have to stop fixing things. The invitation is to notice why you’re fixing them. When you soothe yourself first, you’ll create the space to respond with greater curiosity, creativity, and connection.
Subscribe To The Intimate Marriage Podcast:
Apple Podcast | YouTube | Spotify
Connect With Alexandra Stockwell, MD:
Website | LinkedIn | Instagram
Get your copy of “Uncompromising Intimacy” by Dr. Alexandra Stockwell here:
https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl
Download the first chapter of Dr. Alexandra’s bestselling book, Uncompromising Intimacy, here:
https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/book
Cultivate your intimacy skills (without compromise) in Aligned & Hot Marriage, Dr. Alexandra’s proven method for smart couples ready to love more fully:
https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/aligned-hot-marriage
Join Dr. Alexandra’s email list to stay connected. She shares inspiring stories, her latest insights, and opportunities to learn with her:
https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/subscribe
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If you desire a marriage that feels alive, deeply connected, and nourishing while supporting your ambitions and full life, this is where to begin: https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/work-with-alexandra/
Apply for Relationship & Intimacy Coaching
Personal coaching for couples who want more closeness, desire, and emotional safety without losing themselves or each other: https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/private/
Aligned & Hot Marriage
My proven method for smart couples ready to love more fully. Cultivate your intimacy skills (without compromise): https://www.alignedhotmarriage.com
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Read My Bestselling Book, Uncompromising Intimacy
Learn the principles and practices that make deep connection and passion sustainable in long-term marriage: https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl
Download the First Chapter (Free)
A powerful introduction to what it truly takes to create extraordinary intimacy.
https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/book
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Stay Connected With Dr. Alexandra
Connect Online: Website | LinkedIn | Instagram
Join my email list for practical intimacy insights, relationship guidance, and invitations to live Q&A sessions: https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/subscribe
For speaking, media, or professional inquiries: https://alexandrastockwell.com/contact/
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About Alexandra Stockwell, MD
Known as “The Intimacy Doctor,” Alexandra Stockwell, MD is a Relationship and Intimacy Coach and an Intimate Marriage Expert who specializes in coaching ambitious, successful couples to build beautiful, long-lasting, passionate relationships. She is the bestselling author of “Uncompromising Intimacy,” host of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, and creator of the Aligned & Hot Marriage program.
For over two decades, she’s been guiding men and women to bring pleasure and purpose into all aspects of life— from the daily grind of running a household to creating ecstatic experiences in the bedroom—all while maintaining extraordinary professional success!
This Podcast Is Produced, Engineered & Edited By: Simplified Impact
The Intimate Marriage Podcast, With Intimacy Coach, Alexandra Stockwell, MD
