I have benefited a great deal from witnessing other people’s challenges, growth, and celebration.
At times, I have felt comforted to see others in tough spots that I didn’t have to face, as it lead to naturally feeling more grateful for my own circumstances. Other times, I have been profoundly inspired by how powerful and fulfilled someone else is, and in that I’ve seen how much more is possible for me.
When I created the Conscious Partnership Program, I knew it was essential to have weekly Q and A Group Coaching Calls. It provides a setting for participants to have their questions answered, as well as an opportunity to learn much from what others share.
Couples who have been together longer bring a perspective that couples in newer relationships can truly learn from. Those in newer relationships remind couples who have been together much longer where they have come from, and what else can be transformed.
Men learn from men. Women learn from women. It can sometimes be so much easier to see something clearly when it is happening in someone else’s relationship…
In a recent call, one participant was feeling troubled by an experience in her relationship. We discussed it in detail, considering what the learning was and how to grow from what had happened. But then, this same participant had to leave the call early to give a presentation at work.
So I coached her on making a swift change in her mood. Not to suppress her sadness, but to put it aside and claim her radiance and joy before walking into an important meeting. The whole exchange, including the sadness and the shift to a joyful, radiant, empowered woman took about five minutes. After she left for the meeting, I continued coaching the others on the call.
At the end of the call each person shared what was most impactful for them. Two women shared how inspiring it was to see the woman shift from sorrow and tempered hopelessness into confidence and visionary leadership.
On the inside I smiled, for I had been hesitant about that moment because I never want to encourage anyone to sidestep their emotions, or push things aside for practical tasks. I know that over time that sort of habit creates disconnection from self and resentment towards others.
Pushing aside feelings in order to put on a “happy face” is truly the last thing I want to be modeling.
Yet, those feelings weren’t pushed under the rug, they were acknowledged. They were welcomed. And while the feelings continued to be real, the woman was invited to pivot. Not to ignore the feelings, just to turn her attention to something else.
And as soon as she did, since it was something that she is passionate about and finds fulfilling, her whole being shifted and it felt different to interact with her.
The other participants on the call loved seeing it happen—so elegantly. It really took just one question from me, “What do you love about the work you do?” and suddenly everything felt lighter and quite magnificent.
I call this Internal Agility.
I think of it as the inner soul version of drills I used to do in middle school gym classes to develop Agility.
So that when we played soccer we could easily maneuver around and through the other team’s defense.
It is super important to be able to Feel Your Feelings. To know and honor them. To express them with clarity and move forward with both you and your partner clear on what you are experiencing.
It is also super important to have Internal Agility, to cultivate the capacity to have choices in tough moments. This allows you to be able to turn your attention from your pain and discomfort to gratitude, delight, or some other worthy matter.
I never would have thought to introduce the concept of Internal Agility in the first module of the Conscious Partnership Program, however, the situation presented itself and an internal pivot was needed, so I went with it. I love that it served everyone present as that means the Group Coaching Calls are serving their intended function.
What comes to mind when you read this?
- How are you with feeling your feelings?
- How are you about naming them responsibly?
- How is your internal agility?
I am always look forward to hearing from those of you in my community. (Leave a comment below, and let’s connect.)
If you are interested in improving the quality of emotional connection in your relationship, check out the Conscious Partnership Program, and you can join us on the next Q and A Group Coaching Call!