In my intimacy coaching business, over the years many women have reached out and expressed interest in working with me, while also sharing a lot of frustration because their “partner isn’t into personal growth.” However, anytime one of those husbands chose to have a short conversation with me, it turned out that he definitely was interested in exploring coaching with me. I found this to be true 100% of the time!
It used to confuse me, until I came to understand that people tend to project their own personal growth style onto their partner, and then find the partner lacking. These men, who were described by their wives as having no interest in personal growth and coaching, turned out to be quite interested and motivated. However, they were not interested in contorting themselves to fit the definition of “personal growth” assigned to them by their wives. In other words, they were not interested in neglecting their own ways of growing and learning, in order to conform to what their wives wanted.
Once they spoke with me and realized that I highly valued their perspective and preferences, everything would change. They would enthusiastically open up and tell me how much they wanted to put attention on their marriage.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- Why personal growth doesn’t look the same from person to person
- A story about a woman I coached who traveled for work and struggled with long-distance communication with her husband
- A man I coached on his own because his wife wasn’t interested (and doesn’t speak English) and the amazing results he created in his marriage.
If you have a partner who isn’t interested in personal growth, your instinct may be to try to change them, or give up on them…I hope this episode makes you question those options and inspires you to adopt a different strategy instead.
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About Alexandra Stockwell, MD
Her mission is to change the cultural narrative around long-term relationships from one of ongoing stagnation and compromise to the delectable joy and deep gratification a couple feels while building passion and excitement together, every day.
For over two decades, she’s been guiding men and women to bring pleasure and purpose into all aspects of life— from the daily grind of running a household to creating ecstatic experiences in the bedroom—all while maintaining extraordinary professional success!
Alexandra Stockwell, MD supports family happiness through facilitating healing and joy for couples.